Let’s get one thing straight: I think it is perfectly acceptable to hate the fuck out of anything you want to. It’s what makes us like less shitty things more. A friend of mine went on and on about disliking the word “hate", and I couldn’t agree less. People need to vent their frustration in a hateful (but contained) manner, otherwise, a seemingly nice person will just beat the shit out of their girlfriend (see Chris Brown.) If we don’t vent, if we don’t hate, then we don’t live. I, for instance, hate racist 12-year-olds on Xbox Live, people who say the word “like” as if it were a fucking article, and old people.
When I went on Xbox Live today to play some Halo, I was verbally raped (there I go, talking about rape again. Why is that?) Who knew that people who haven’t even hit puberty know more racist terms for black people than Eskimos have words for snow? I’ve learned that these children consider blacks, gays and females to be pretty much the same damn thing: interchangeable, if you will. I’d wonder how they had the competence to even connect their 360's to the internet, but I remembered that their Investment Banker dad’s most likely bought it for them, and subsequently hooked them up. I have comfort in knowing that they will be unsuccessful when they grow up, and will most likely become alcoholics. Am I a bad person for saying this? No. I’m a realist. All racist 12-year-olds become alcoholics. This is fact.
Are you into similes? Do you enjoy comparing two independent objects in an indirect manner? Do you know what the fuck a simile IS? I doubt it, because you, like, say like, like, way too fucking much. Stop it, like, NOW. This isn’t civilized language: this is Valley Girl linguistics, not PROPER FUCKING ENGLISH. If you are comparing similar (holy fuck, that’s where simile comes from?) things, then use the word. Otherwise... don’t expect to get accepted into Harvard during your verbal interview, because you’re, like, fucking annoying.
I plan on clinging on to life as long as I can, no matter how painful it is, no matter how depressed I get, no matter how much money I am costing my children (hopefully grandchildren or great grandchildren: I REALLY want to cling on.) It’s a great time to do it too. Modern medicine will allow us to eventually break the 100 year mark ON AVERAGE. This is why I hate old people; I want to be the only one. I want to say “fuck you, you young whipper snappers. I lived through World War IV and that time Lindsay Lohan became the first female(ish) President!” I don’t want other people taking this away from me. Besides, they smell like garlic and support the Snuggie industry. They are a drain on our economy and don’t understand that the internet is not a literal net (yes: I’ve had this conversation with my grandpa.) Don’t get me wrong: they are good people and shaped the world that we live in today, but I just don’t want them around. I say we create large buildings that smell like formaldehyde and hide all of the elderly people in them... far away from the rest of society, where they will live like they never even existed.
Wait. We already do that? Never mind.
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